This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
