this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
