I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
