would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
