walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
