the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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