S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
