He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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