Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
farters have to be the big spoon...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
