Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
