felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
