he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
