that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
