the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
