Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
