He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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