So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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