im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
