You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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