no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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