apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
