Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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