In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
