Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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