just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
