my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
