hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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