to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Still dying that you shit outside
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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