the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
