WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize