I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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