I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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