Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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