when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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