I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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