I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
