The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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