Just fell off a train. Bad.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
