Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
