me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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