hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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