he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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