the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
