Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
