I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
