then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
