either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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