I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
