i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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