I think I won the penis lottery.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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