Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
