Will you blow on my dice?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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