your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
