it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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