Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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