I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
