if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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