If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
