Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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