I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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