Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
