I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You smell like stripper and shame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As shirtless as possible
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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