your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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