life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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